I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
