Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
