I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Randomize
