I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
