I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
