so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
