sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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