so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
