that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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