Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
