i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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