he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I need to calm my uterus...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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