No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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