Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
