1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
