I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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