I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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