Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
