I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
