rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
