dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I touched a dick in church today
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