i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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