He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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