her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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