Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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