i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
