Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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