if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
