is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
