Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
