omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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