I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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