she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
