last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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