I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
