Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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