there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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