I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
