you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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