Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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