Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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