walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
