I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
