so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
