no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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