my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
