you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
