STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
