I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
