Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
