her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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