Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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