I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
