So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
