Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
