i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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