I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
