Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
